


Peregin Took's Never Had a Real Job in His Life

by AlexStone



Series: Tolkientober [19]
Category: The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Return of the King, Tolkientober
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:08:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27250087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexStone/pseuds/AlexStone
Summary: Faramir can't understand why Pippin isn't taking his new role seriously.
Relationships: Faramir (Son of Denethor II) & Pippin Took
Series: Tolkientober [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1948141
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	Peregin Took's Never Had a Real Job in His Life

**Author's Note:**

> Tolkientober Day 28 - 'Guardian'
> 
> In early October I thought of a mashup of Lord of the Rings and Parks & Recreation, and this was one of the ideas that came from it.

Faramir fumed in the Minis Tirith citadel barracks. He paced behind his desk, turned to address Pippin, before taking a moment to compose himself. Gandalf sat in the corner, his eyes obscured by the pipe smoke that swirled around his head. Other citadel guards approached the room, saw Faramir’s furious expression, and decided against entering.

Pippin was altogether unimpressed with Faramir’s glowering. Despite being instructed to stand, Pippin had found a footstool and was fiddling with his uniform. Even a child’s uniform seemed ill fitting on the hobbit, and Faramir had found plenty of material to grab as he plucked Pippin from his seat on a nearby boulevard that morning. The hobbit had been startled to see Faramir, but surprise quickly gave way to a defensive aloofness before Faramir’s bad mood.

“Let me see if I understand what happened,” Faramir breathed deeply, controlling his mood, “you decided, during your post guarding the citadel of the Steward, that you needed to watch a street performance in the third district. To do this, you abandoned your post, leaving the steward unguarded. All this, I will add, on top of arriving for your post three hours later than you were instructed.”

“Two and a half hours,” Pippin corrected, “no one can be expected to start work before breakfast. Besides, Beregond had it covered.”

Faramir blinked, refusing to take the bait. “In addition to this, your captain told me that you have been rude, conceited, failed to follow instructions, tardy in all respects, and I believe his exact words were, ‘I have never had so poor a guard of the citadel in my career.’”

“He didn’t hold back, huh,” Pippin whistled.

Faramir glared at Pippin, before reminding himself to keep his composure. He prided himself on his ability to keep a level head, but this hobbit was testing him. “I understand that you’re young,” Faramir conceded, “perhaps you haven’t had a job before…”

“I’m not young,” Pippin interrupted.

Faramir frowned, casting his eyes over the hobbit once more. “Early… twenties?” he hesitated.

Pippin rolled his eyes. “I’m 29,” he said.

Faramir felt his jaw drop. He had struggled to pitch Frodo and Sam’s ages, but their maturity had betrayed at least a few decades. “You’re almost thirty,” Faramir stammered, struggling to comprehend the idea, “and you’ve _never_ had a job?”

“I’ve had jobs.”

“Name one."

“I… I…” Pippin’s eyes darted, trying to place a memory, “Oh! When the Green Dragon needed some extra casks of Buckland Special Brew for the 62nd Hobbiton Fête, I arranged a special delivery from Bree. Well… I paid for someone to fetch it, obviously. But if I hadn’t done that, we would have run out before midnight, so I prevented a disaster.”

Pippin could feel Faramir and Gandalf looking at him, as a hot indignation rose in his chest. “Fine, maybe this is my first job,” he admitted, throwing his hands up, “I still don't see what the problem is. Beregond was still at the post when I got there. The citadel was being guarded the whole time!”

Faramir almost exploded with frustration. “Because when you didn’t arrive on time, Beregond couldn’t leave his post, which means Beregond couldn’t go home, which means Beregond couldn’t see his children,” Faramir could feel his voice rising, “I don’t know how to explain that you should care about other people!”

“Master Took is forgetting to mention something,” Gandalf spoke slowly from across the room, puncturing the argument as quickly as it had arisen, “do you know you are in the presence of the future Thain of the Shire?”

Faramir looked from Pippin to Gandalf, and back to Pippin. Several thoughts finally connected in his mind. “Oh. I get it,” he said, as a wicked smile crossing his face, “you’re _rich.”_

“I’m not rich,” Pippin scowled, “I’m wealthy. There’s a difference.”

“That explains it,” Faramir winked at Gandalf, “Pippin, I’m going to clear up some things. While you are in service to the Steward, you will be prompt to arrive for your post. You will be courteous to all other guards and citizens. You will remain at your post at all times, until you are relieved for breaks pre-assigned by your captain. Your uniform will be clean and pressed, and you will remember that your behaviour reflects the office you serve.”

Faramir leaned closer to Pippin, until their noses almost touched. “And if you don’t do those things,” Faramir continued, “I will put you on sewage duty. And I will supervise you. And you will _hate_ it. Do we understand each other?”

“Yes,” Pippin muttered, as Faramir put a finger to his ear, “Yes, _sir_.”

Pippin’s sulking did not last long. The other guards warmed to Pippin after they learned of his dressing down from Faramir. Pippin even found himself enjoying the days spent in the courtyard of the white tree, where he and Beregond would trade drinking stories, before retreating to a tavern after their shift.

Gandalf watched Pippin joke with one of the younger guards from across the courtyard. Pipesmoke swirled around his brow as he considered the young hobbit, and how much he had grown since Moria. Pippin’s face seemed sharper now, the baby fat from a soft Shire upbringing melted from his cheeks. Gandalf took a long drag from his pipe and thought, if they were to finally return home to the Shire, Pippin Took could make a very fine Thain.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on twitter at @AlexStoneWriter! Comments are greatly appreciated.
> 
> You can find the full list of Tolkientober prompts here: https://twitter.com/hobbitgay/status/1311350783238045696


End file.
